Faster, Furious! Kill! Kill!

Did we enjoy 2 Fast 2 B So Furious, you ask? Well, at the end of the "turbo-charged" prelude that attempts to explain why Brian is not in jail, my wife asserted that instead producer Chris Palladino should be in jail. And the prelude only lasted six minutes.

All the racing teams in the beginning scene have matching color schemes, like the villains in Mystery Men. It only gets worse from here.

And so it begins...

Before viewing this film, I decided to read some trivia on the Internet's movie database. Evidently the director's original vision included casting Mark Paul Gosselaar in Paul Walker's role, and Mario Lopez instead of Vin Diesel.

Let that wash over you for just a moment. Rob Cohen looked at this script and said, "I like this, but I'd like it more if it was a Saved by the Bell fan fiction."

The pre-FastandFurying

Friends, gather around. You may have noticed that I'm yoked to the bone, with muscles bursting at every seam. I've been working out like crazy, blasting each of my lats and all of my delts. I've also been chugging gasoline and motor oil. And last week I spent like a full day greasing up all my favorite white tank tops, and learning car terms like "drive shaft" and "double-clutch" and "tire."